the Butterfly Effect

"change one thing, change everything..."

Where words fail, music speaks.

*
" We dance for laughter, we dance for tears. We dance for madness, we dance for fears. We dance for hopes, we dance for screams. We are the dancers, we create the dreams."

" When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have."

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

" Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try."

"When i hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest."

"I smoke and I drink and every time i blink, I have a tiny dream. But as bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than i seem."

Proud Mary

InExplicabil

[ Alergi ore in sir, uneori zile, poate luni intregi de cautari fara sa cauti, pana te opresti sa-ti numeri pasii, destinatii de unica folosinta pierdute intre azi si ieri. Alergi nestingherit crezand ca toti nu vad desi ai vrea sa te arate cu degetul, sa te observe incercand, sa te admire, sa te judece constructiv pana cand traseul isi gaseste directia potrivita.

Uneori uiti scopul pentru care alergi, uiti sa mai asculti, sa te asculti. Alergi pana cand obosesti; pana cand ai obosit sa cauti raspuns sau lumina sau trairi care te fac altfel decat esti. Nu picioarele iti obosesc ci gandurile, aceleasi ganduri care mocnesc zilnic. Ard pana cand stranuti cenusa, mesteci fara gust, dormi fara sa dormi, existi fara sa fii. Tumoarea te incetineste, pana cand nu te mai recunosti.

Strainul care iti foloseste trupul te poarta pe alte drumuri. Te sfideaza in mii de feluri, te strica. Actele lui te consuma, te inlocuiesc. Ramai ambalajul pe care toti il recunosc fara sa-l cunoasca. Cine esti tu de fapt? Cine nu esti. Zambetul iti sta manjit pe fata, ochii ascund salbaticia transformarii, gura minte scuipand cuvinte folosite ieri cu alte sensuri. Esti slab si sovaielnic, si din ploaie nu te recunosc. Te-am cunoscut vreodata? Te-am privit de aproape sau te-am ignorat? E un deja vu pe care nu mi-l explic. Strainul asta respira in memorie fara sa fie el.

Cine esti tu de fapt? ]

Christmas Spirit!

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.
~Charles Dickens~


Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.
~Francis C. Farley~

Christmas is the day that holds all time together.
~Alexander Smith~

I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: "Why, this is Christmas Day!"
~David Grayson~

May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope;
The spirit of Christmas which is peace;
The heart of Christmas which is love.
~Ada V. Hendricks~

Eu cand vreau sa fluier, fluier!

Genial film!
*

Roses in December

Ce faci in prima zi de vacanta?

Dormi frate! Aia faci! Somn nervos, cu toate nadufurile, in toate conditiile, somn! Cel putin 12 ore, eu atat am putut :D. Ok! Al doilea examen mi-a demonstrat ca daca vroiam sa ajung intr-un loc in care chiar se invata carte atunci am ajuns unde trebuie. N-am sa ajung eu chiar la NASA dupa tot anul asta plin de provocari insa, viata de student in Portugalia e din ce in ce mai uimitoare!

Patul dublu (1pat+1pat=love) si draperia strans lipita de geam au contribuit perfect la cele cateva ore de recuperari masive dupa mini-sesiunea din ultimile doua saptamani. Probabil as fi dormit inca vreo 12 ore daca nu se auzeau voci straine pe hol sau daca nu rasunau de zor telefoanele. A meritat oricum, ce-i mult strica!

Adunare simpla : pranz bulgaresc, plimbare pur romaneasca cu colinde pe strada si cumparaturi din magazin in magazin, apoi cina braziliana, dans, muzica, amestec de stari si senzatii, rau de emotii care iti inunda mintile, le amesteca, le provoaca, le intretin. Poate de asta, sau poate si de asta, imi lipsesti atat de mult, mai mult decat credeam.

Intru incet incet in atmosfera de Craciun. Toate luminile din Braga, forfota de pe strazi, din magazine, brazii deja impodobiti, sosetutele atent puse in geam la caminul de fete, manusile, fularul, mirosul de brad,veselia, candoarea, lumina de pe fetele tuturor ma coplesesc. Zilele trecute am ascultat colinde in sala de studiu - nici nu stie Hrusca ce audienta mixta a avut!:> Nu prea stiu cum sa reactionez de Craciun. Nu stiu cum sa fiu, ce sa spun, ce sa nu spun, sau ce sa-mi doresc. Ma transform totusi pe dinauntru si ma uimesc atunci cand. din senin, ma predau in fata lumii, cu umerii dezgoliti, dezbracata de propriile-mi slabiciuni, scuturi care se evapora treptat.


In ultima luna din an se zice ca trebuie sa fii mai bun, mai analitic, mai introspect. Suntem buni in teorie! ma gandesc, insa cand vine vorba de practica... N-am sa ma scot din ecuatie! Nu intentionez sa fiu mai buna in ultimile zile din an, mai introspecta sau mai critica. Nu intentionez nici sa indrept cuvinte spuse, actiuni facute, ganduri mestecate si scuipate in clipe mai mult sau mai putin potrivite. Ma simt bine asa si ar insemna sa ma conformez la niste "reguli" doar sa fiu in rand cu lumea. Nu faceti asta! Nu fiti altii doar ca asa trebuie sa fiti la sfarsit de an. Fiti voi! E singurul inceput bun pentru un an nou in care sa va permiteti sa gresiti ca sa puteti invata, si poate cel pe care mi-l doresc pentru 2011.

Nu vreau sa vorbesc totusi de sfarsitul lui 2010 asa ca am sa ma opresc aici. Mi-e dor de tine, si de voi. Si Braga nu cunoaste zapada, nici frigul care te obliga sa te ascunzi in alte brate, sa saruti cu buzele inghetate sau sa desenezi inimioare pe geamuri de sticla. E alta iarna, straina de tot ce as putea sa cunosc!

Lotta love, M.
["God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December"]

Abandoned like the words

Have my words left me too?
What once came easy like breath,
Now stumbles and falls,
As I walk the dust filled halls.

Once color touched the walls,
Each shade a different thought.
Now all I see is dusty gray dreary,
With nothing hiding behind masks,
And robes of shadow black.
When confronted with my nothing,
I too scream in silent horror.
As I struggle with terrible realization.
Then 'Life' continues...

I wonder why we are given hope and faith,
If words written on mere paper,
Can shake the very foundations of hope,
Of faith.

Abandonded like the words,
Abandonded me like the thoughts.
I sit in the dark alone,
And why does it matter?

Robert Dieterle II

Não há paz

*
É só isso, não tem mais jeito. Acabou, boa sorte
Não tenho o que dizer, são só palavras. E o que eu sinto não mudará
Tudo o que quer me dar É demais, É pesado, Não há paz
Tudo o que quer de mim .. Irreais .. Expectativas .. Desleais

*
*
Mesmo se segure, Quero que se cure Dessa pessoa, Que o aconselha...
Há um desencontro, veja por esse ponto.
Há tantas pessoas especiais.

Falling, falling, falling
Falling into the night
Um bom encontro é de dois

No ceiling

Of the terrible doubt of appearances

Walt Whitman

Of the terrible doubt of appearances,
Of the uncertainty after all, that we may be deluded,
That may-be reliance and hope are but speculations after all,
That may-be identity beyond the grave is a beautiful fable only,
May-be the things I perceive, the animals, plants, men, hills, shining and flowing waters,
The skies of day and night, colors, densities, forms, may-be these are (as doubtless they are) only apparitions, and the real something has yet to be known,
(How often they dart out of themselves as if to confound me and mock me!
How often I think neither I know, nor any man knows, aught of them,)
May-be seeming to me what they are (as doubtless they indeed but seem) as from my present point of view, and might prove (as of course they would) nought of what they appear, or nought anyhow, from entirely changed points of view;
To me these and the like of these are curiosly answer'd by my lovers, my dear friends,
When he whom I love travels with me or sits a long while holding me by the hand,
When the subtle air, the impalpable, the sense that words and reason hold not, surround us and pervade us,
Then I am charged with untold and untellable wisdom, I am silent, I require nothing further,
I cannot answer the question of appearances or that of identity beyond the grave,
But I walk or sit indifferent, I am satisfied,
He ahold of my hand has completely satisfied me.

(Leaves of Grass)

Amazing!!

PN on another rainy day

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being
by Pablo Neruda

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being,
without your going, that cuts noon light
like a blue flower, without your passing
later through fog and stones,
without the torch you lift in your hand
that others may not see as golden,
that perhaps no one believed blossomed
the glowing origin of the rose,

without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,
blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze:
and it follows that I am, because you are:
it follows from ‘you are’, that I am, and we:
and, because of love, you will, I will,
We will, come to be.

war in my head

*
Then all of that's annulled and I'm anyone's everyone's
We are one
Your face becomes the sun
And I'm addicted to the joy that the little things
Those little things
The little things they bring ...
*
So now for restless mind, I could go either way
*
theres nothing left to choose
and so I fight a war, in my head...

ploua

Ploua iar.

Ploua adanc in mine.

Apa se intinde in toate spatiile, ma umple.

Sunt rece si cruda, tot mai seaca, Apa coboara in valuri, ma ineaca.

Sunt vesnic goala, apa ma inconjoara,

O port cu mine pe strazi si drumuri de ceara.

*

Nimeni nu vede molozul cum striga, Pietrisul din coaste.

Plimb ploaia prin ploaie, Devin tot mai greoaie.

Hainele atarna de trupul umflat si vanat,

Cutie de plumb cariat, Mancat de alge, posedat.

*

Ploaia sapa. O plimb consumandu-ma, Curatandu-ma,

Izbindu-se de organele bolnave, Sfori agatate de locul in care se ancorau emotii,

Senzatii vii.

*

Ploua iar,

Ploua peste mine. Apa ma inunda in fiecare secunda.

Cu ochii deschisi las potopul sa cada, Lacrimile sa vada,

ploaia.

I don't wanna miss a thing

*
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you Is a moment I treasure ...

dragoste

Pentru ca suntem slabi, dragostea exista sa ne consume.

Scobeste in piatra pana cand, din prea putin orgoliu, cedam.

Ne gasim zvarcolindu-ne pe pamant, bolnavi, deposedati.

Sufletele se impart separat, in bucati identice pe care le potrivesti in aceleasi locuri.

Treptat uiti al cui esti.

Uiti lucrurile marunte cum ar fi sa respiri.

Nu stii sa mai respiri singur.

Atunci bataile inimii strabat centimetri de piele si fluturi zboara stingheri in stomac.


Epidemia te face sa zambesti fara motiv,

Devii stangaci, vulnerabil, deschis ca o rana proaspata.

Ochii te inseala, glasul te tradeaza,

Buzele, crapate, cer un singur antidot : alta gura, aceeasi, singura.

Pana sa-ti dai seama, te vinzi ieftin in ceasuri tarzii.

Nimic nu mai e al tau,

Nicio comanda nu mai functioneaza, nimic nu mai conteaza.


Ramai tu cu tine, fara tine

Prea slab sa te impotrivesti, prea tarziu sa te aperi, cand iubesti.